An Open Letter to My Hair Pulling Baby

Dear My Precious Baby Boy, 

Don’t let my smile and unconditional love fool you, I am a mean mommy. And by “mean,” I mean business. Sorry bud, but I’m not going to let you run me over with a behavioral free-for-all. Don’t be too disappointed though, you’ll develop a love/hate relationship towards structure, boundaries, and rules. Yes, you’re going to resent your bedtime; yes, you’ll get sick of eating vegetables; and yes, you’ll fight me on wearing a jacket. But you’ll also enjoy a good night’s sleep, a full tummy, and the feeling of warmth, on top of having a family that would give up all of those things for you. It’s a pretty sweet deal. 

But there’s more: expectations. Calm down silly, I don’t expect you to teach yourself how to read at 5 years old (though it can be done so feel free to impress), and I won’t charge you room and board (for a long, long time). But you bet your sweet little tushy that we expect you to be kind and respectful, study in school, and clean up after yourself. And though it might be too early to introduce you to the “c” word, you deserve to know that consequences do exist (and they’re gonna suck). 

My suggestion? Ease up on the violent hair-pulling, the bed time crying, and the wardrobe induced moany groany. You might be a baby now, but you won’t be a baby forever and my flexibility with your outbursts will become a thing of the past the day you know better. Trust me, you’re going to have real life problems one day and it would save us all a truckload of stress if you took your temper down a notch. No one likes the guy who loses it over spilt milk. And don’t bother asking me what’s in it for you because I’ve already given you all I got (plus I birthed you and would hate to have to take that back). But don’t worry, even if you hate me, I’ll love you son! 

Xoxo, Your Mean Mommy